JUMP! (an introduction)

I did it. I jumped. I left my current call as a pastor. Threw my whole life open to God and jumped. I had been hanging on in a job that I really loved in so many ways, but the stress of it all was just too much - to the point where I was having panic attacks, on a rather high dose of anti-depressants, and crabby all the time. Needless to say it wasn't good so I finally closed my eyes and jumped. I ended up with 3 months severence and some time to finally catch up with myself.

I've been through a lot in the past few years. My now ex-husband is an alcoholic. Our family lived in that awful chaos for 6 years. Finally in 2008 I jumped out of that situation as well. My divorce was final November 25th. I have sole custody of our two children and at the moment anyway, he is not in their lives at all. This break in my work life has given me an opportunity to really focus on my kids, as well as med. It has given me the opportunity to catch up on some things around the house. And it has given me the opportunity to really think about what God and I want to do with the next half of my life.

By the way, I suppose I should explain my reason for calling the leaving that I have done "jumping". When I was a little kid, I was afraid of deep water. In swimming lessons I would have to go to the end of the diving board and jump off and then swim to the side of the pool. I would walk to the end of the diving board and stand there scared to death to jump into the water. I'd stand there as long as I could get away with, and then finally jump in. It was never as bad as I thought it was going to be, but it sure scared me. Fast forward about 25 years - I was in my then spiritual directors office for a session. We were in prayer when the image of me standing at the edge of the diving board came back to me (the first time I had thought about it in many years). It was at a time where I was again at a crossroads in my life, trying to figure out what was next. The image made so much senseat that time. And I have kept that image with me ever since. It is especially strong when I do something that is difficult. You can imagine how strong it has been lately.

So that's where I'm at now. Looking for God to lead me to the place where my day to day life, my art, and my calling all come together. Join me on the journey.